


Hockey Rules

by bearfeathers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dating, Dirty Talk, F/M, Hockey, Los Angeles Kings, M/M, Trash Talk, Vancouver Canucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2605976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearfeathers/pseuds/bearfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every hockey fan knows the golden rule to dating another fan: Never date within the division.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hockey Rules

Every hockey fan knows the golden rule to dating another fan: Never date within the division. 

For most of Phil’s life, it had been solid advice. But hockey rules had never taken Maria Hill into account.

"Don’t cry too hard when you lose tonight," Maria says as she slips into the seat beside him. "I don’t want you getting my pillow wet."

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry," Phil says, even as he accepts the beer she hands him. "I couldn’t hear you over the sound of all the  _Cups you don’t have_.”

"Phil, that doesn’t even make any sense. You don’t hear cups."

"And yet, does it change the fact that you have none? No."

"Talking about all your past achievements to make up for your current poor performance?" Maria asks, her smirk turning sly. "Oh, Phil, don’t go all Montreal on me."

"Keep talking," Phil says, tipping the bottle back. "That winning streak ends tonight, baby."

"Don’t say ‘baby,’" Maria says flatly.

"Canucklehead," Phil offers.

Maria rolls her eyes and gives him a playful shove, but the two of them clam up the second the game begins. Phil wonders what the people under Maria’s command would think if they saw here like this: her hair in pigtails, fully decked out in a hockey jersey, gloves and stick, making her way steadily through a six pack of beers and shouting obscenities at the screen that would melt a sailor’s ears. 

It’s the sort of thing he knows he’s privileged to be able to see. Maria doesn’t relax around other people lightly. She doesn’t show this side of herself to nearly anyone and that he’s one of the few among that number never ceases to humble him.

By the end of the game, Maria is throwing her hands up in disgust as Phil grins like the cat that got the cream. He follows her when she stands to dispose of the empty beer bottles.

"I told you we’d win," he says smugly.

"Remind me who’s still at the top of the division, Mr. Nineteen Points?" Maria says, crossing her arms and arching a judging eyebrow.

"Fair enough," Phil admits as he retreats back to the den. "I know how you have a thing for being on top."

He turns as he feels a throw pillow hit the back of his head. Maria raises her arms challengingly.

"You wanna go?" she asks.

"Careful: you’ll wind up with an instigator if you don’t watch it," Phil answers, smirking.

That’s all it takes for Maria to drop the gloves and come hurtling towards him. They throw soft jabs at each other, play fighting as they circle one another in the middle of the room. The soft sounds of the post-game isn’t music and they’re not doing the Tango, but in Phil’s mind, this is their own sort of dance. Well, it is until Maria unexpectedly sticks her leg behind his and sends him tripping backwards over himself before he lands on his ass. He might have complained about it if not for the fact that a moment later, the Deputy Director is straddling his his lap and shoving him back into the carpet as her lips lock onto his.

"I was wondering," Phil says, fidgeting slightly as his hands wander up under her shirt, "do you think maybe you could leave the jersey on this time?"

Maria’s tongue darts out to wet her lips as she considers. “Fine. But if you get come on this jersey, I  _will_  kill you.”

"I’ll pay for the dry cleaning."

"Wait a minute, you  _want_  to come on the jersey, don’t you?”

"Well… we won."

"On one condition," Maria says.

"Go on."

"If I do this, then the next time we have sex, I get the strapon and the blindfold and you wear your jersey," Maria says.

"Throw in the handcuffs and it’s a deal," Phil replies.

Judging by the way she laughs at him, he figures it’s a deal.

* * *

"And here I thought at least one of you would be dead," Jasper says, falling in line with them as they walk down the hall the next morning. "Your teams facing each other? Must have been a bad night."

"Oh, I wouldn’t say that," Phil says. "I thought the Canucks had great stamina."  
  
"And the Kings never let up," Maria adds. "I was especially impressed with them in OT."

Jasper narrows his eyes at the statement. “It didn’t go into OT. The Kings beat the Canucks 5-1.”

"Mm, silly me," Maria hums.

"God dammit, you two are talking about sex, aren’t you?" Jasper demands.

"Well, we were wearing jerseys and there was a stick involved so it was kind of like hockey," Phil says.

"You know what? Forget I asked."

They watch Jasper throw his hands up and walk in the opposite direction, likely regretting ever having set them up in the first place.

"So I was thinking," Phil says, leaning in once Jasper is out of ear shot, "How about tonight I pick us up a bottle of wine, cook dinner and we watch the Bruins lose to the Habs?"

"Dirty talk at work?" Maria says, a suggestive smile on her face. "My, my, Agent Coulson, you certainly know how to woo a woman."

* * *

"And they were talking about sex. Can you believe that?" Jasper asks.

Felix looks up over his coffee mug, unamused with the interruption. “You’re just bitter because you’re a Leafs fan and you forgot what winning hockey looks like.”

"At least people actually show up to our games, Panthers fan!"

_"Get out."_

* * *

"Did you hear Jasper got a face full of hot coffee from Felix today?" Phil asks, handing Maria a glass of wine as the game begins.

"Well, you know what they say: never date within the division."


End file.
